10 Conversations to Have with Your Teen

Have you ever noticed how often Deuteronomy 6:7 says we should be talking with our kids? When we sit at home and when we walk along the road, when we lie down and when we get up. That’s basically all day!

Sometimes it can be challenging to come up with things to talk about. But we all know its a vital part of developing intimacy--the kind of intimacy needed to disciple our kids.  So we (Jenni and Jody) put our heads together and came up with 10 GREAT conversations to have with your teen.

Here they are, in no particular order. Have a look, and then leave us a comment with your ideas and suggestions.

1. What are the idols of today?

The first commandment tells us not to have any idols that take the place of God in our life. It’s easy to overlook this one and count it irrelevant.  In the Bible, we read about people making statues and worshipping them, but if that’s idolatry, it’s pretty foreign to us, and especially to our teens. 

Clearly idolatry looks different today than it did thousands of years ago, and it can be hard to spot. After all, Satan is described as the most subtle of all creatures (Genesis 3:1). This conversation can help our kids explore the subtle ways that idols can be established in their lives.

2. How does clothing talk? What does it say about the person wearing it? 

This conversation can help our kids explore their own identity and become deliberate about projecting their inner self through careful clothing choices. It can also help them discern important qualities about the people around them.

3. Describe the perfect spouse for you.

Although marriage seems totally foreign to most teens, the fact is, most of them will get married. By having our kids think about the qualities they want in a spouse, we can encourage them to pray for that person and to keep their hearts pure as they wait to meet the one God has prepared for them.

4. What is your opinion of how other kids talk to their parents? How about their siblings?

Our family relationships are a stewardship. A good illustration of how God rewards faithful stewardship is in the parable of the talents in Matthew 25. The faithful servants were rewarded with an increase. When we treat our family members with honor and respect, God rewards us with a long life (Exodus 20:12). Our family is the training ground for our children’s future relationships. If they are responsible with the “little” (treating their parents and siblings well, blessing them, honoring and respecting them), God can entrust them with “much” (a flourishing ministry, career, friends, and a healthy family of their own one day).

5. What does it mean to love your enemies? What does it look like in your life?

Jesus told us to love our enemies. But what does that really mean? First of all, who are their enemies? Then, how can our kids apply this principle to their own lives?

6. What do you think about celebrity gossip? What does God think about it?

What exactly is gossip? What does the Bible say about it? Do the same rules apply to celebrities as to the kids in school?

7. What do you think you are called to do?

Jeremiah 29:11 says that God has a plan everyone’s future. We can (and should) talk to our kids often about what they think God is showing them about their future.

8. Do you know how to recognize a red flag or a check in your spirit?

When things aren’t right, we can usually sense it. But often, we ignore those signals and excuse them away. When you hear stories of kids who were lured into human trafficking rings, they will often talk about how they sensed something was wrong but ignored it. It’s important for our kids to be aware of those inner signals and to take them seriously.

9. Who do you think Jesus meant when he talked about serving “the least of these”? How can you serve “the least”?

This is a conversation about loving people, and specifically, loving people who are in need. Often times these people are rather unlovely. They might be dirty or drunk. They might be in need because of wrong choices. But God didn’t tell us to help only the people who we feel deserve our help. He said we should help the least of all people, and in doing so, we bless Him. You may want to explore The 40 Day Revolution as a family.

Also, to help you with this talk, consider referring to "The Hardest & Darkest: Loving the Unlovable" and "Love Bytes" in the "Love Out Loud" issue of the ONCOURSE eMag (August 2012 Fine Arts Special Edition; see pages 6-7.)

10. What do you think your love language is?

If you’re not familiar with Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages, we encourage you to check it out. It will change the way you interact with your whole family.

We can ask our kids what they think their love language is, and then share ours with them. 

Give us your feedback; leave a comment. What conversations are you having that can inspire us?