Parenting by the Book – Facebook, That Is

Our kids are native to the digital world, and no matter how tech savvy you may be, if you’ve ever stuck your finger in a hole and swung it around a circle to dial a phone number, you are an immigrant to this land. As immigrant parents of native children, we have to work overtime to learn the language and understand the culture.

On one hand, technology offers our kids great opportunities, but the dark underbelly of cyberspace is subtle and unpredictable, and we have to wisely guard its borders as our children’s allies and mentors -- not as prison guards.

Some parents take the ostrich approach; head in the sand means there’s nothing to worry about. Other parents go militant, banning what they don’t understand. Still others do the helicopter, hovering anxiously, hoping to remove any threats before they do damage.

In spite of its challenges, social media offers a unique opportunity that parents of earlier generations didn’t have. Facebook and Twitter (and all of their digital counterparts) are a window into our teens’ social worlds. It allows us to see them as their friends see them, and as they want their friends to see them. It helps us discern what they value and what their friends value.

Proverbs 22:1 says, “A good name is to be chosen rather than good riches.” God cares about our reputation. Social media can open discussions with our kids about how they are presenting themselves and the kind of reputation they are building.

It starts by knowing how they are using social media and then carefully (and prayerfully) talking to them, remembering our goal is to mentor, not condemn.

Find opportunities to talk. The car is good place, and right before bed is often a good time.

Whenever possible, use the sandwich technique. Open with something genuinely praiseworthy. Then move gently into the concern. Whenever possible, put your concerns in the form of questions, and help kids discover truth for themselves. End with something honest and positive.

Below are some helpful tips from Assemblies of God Youth Pastor Casey Casal at Church of Hope, in Sarasota, Florida.

1. Place the computer in a central location in the home. When computers are accessible to teens in their room, they are more tempted to post and look up inappropriate images.

2. If your child has an inappropriate picture and has not removed it, report the picture. They won’t know who did it, and it gets removed without incident.

3. Know the lingo. Certain letters are used to replace curses. Although not an exhaustive list, some of the more commonly used acronyms to watch for include: “FML,” “LMAO,” “KMA” and “WTF.”

4. You are able to look at most of your child’s friends’ wall posts even if you are not on his or her friends list.

5. Type in a password for your child, so they have to ask permission when they want to get on Facebook.

6. Never open chats from people you don’t know. This could bring in a virus or may be a direct link to pornography.

7. Watch for a site called Formspring.com, which lets people ask and say whatever they want. It can be emotionally abusive and create a forum for depraved conversation.

8. Make sure your child’s contact information is hidden. Child predators look for this information to locate a potential victim. Understand the nuances of the privacy settings, and make sure your child’s account is well protected. Similarly, tell your child to never accept friend requests from people they don’t know.

9. Install a porn filter. K9webprotection.com is free and easy to use. This will help prevent damaging images and content from appearing.